Bleak

This is exactly why I do not support the death penalty.

In hindsight, it is nothing short of amazing the crap that was thrown together and presented as evidence to convict a father of murdering his 3 daughters by way of arson with NO MOTIVE, SCIENTIFIC EVIDENCE REFUTING JUST ABOUT EVERYTHING IN HIS TRIAL, and other gems of truth. The death penalty does not deter criminals from committing crimes. The death penalty costs the state more than keeping a prisoner alive. Oh, and innocent people are murdered in the name of justice. Why? How can this be? How can I believe in people as a whole with this ceiling above everything? What can be done?

Eric Frimpong

Peeps, I feel so sick inside when events such as the following occur in this country. Progress is progress, but too many people--and specifically, minority racial group people, fall through the cracks (or get stomped through them, it seems). This is a long read, so take the weekend if you need to. However, I implore that you read the whole case. Share it with a friend. Post it on your blog. Don't be silent if this moves you. If it doesn't move you, maybe you're just used to it; too far gone over the bitter fence. If there's another reason, please share. I have pasted excerpts from the article to give a more concise version of the following case:

Eric Frimpong was an immigrant from Ghana who came to the US recruited to play soccor at his college. He was accused, convicted, and sentenced for rape based on virtually no evidence but the victim's testimony, who herself was heavily intoxicated and admitted to not having much memory of the night, AND with evidence of her boyfriend's semen on her panties the night of the rape. I have pasted excerpts from the article to give you a somewhat concise understanding of the following case:


Back in Ghana, in western Africa, he and his three younger siblings were raised by their mother, Mary, in the poor farming community of Abesin, but her job as a typist with the government forestry department allowed the family to have plumbing and electricity, unlike many of their neighbors. Eric was an engineering major and a midfielder for Kwame Nkrumah University of Science and Technology, in Kumasi, when he caught the eye of UCSB assistant Leo Chappel, who attended a 2005 match to scout the son of a Ghanian pro but ended up offering a scholarship to Frimpong instead.


Everyone around Frimpong was buoyed by his success: his mother, friends and classmates, prominent locals who had helped him out along the way with invites to dinner, rides to the store and, when he struggled with homesickness during his junior year, a fund-raiser that yielded $3,000 for a ticket to Ghana. "We all tried to pitch in, because Eric's so darn likable," says Tim Foley, a booster who made Frimpong a regular guest at his family's home. "He was an American success story."


The Monahans were especially proud. Frimpong had met his "American parents" on move-in day in 2005, and they promptly invited him to spend Thanksgiving in San Diego. They gave him his first cell phone and laptop and took him on family vacations. They sat in their kitchen for hours listening to his stories about Ghana. They were also impressed by his knowledge of the Bible, and his quiet spirituality helped bolster their own faith. "He was going to graduate, play professionally, make more money here than he ever could in Ghana and bring it back to support his family," Loni says. "Eric really had it all."


Frimpong's journey from soccer hero to convicted felon began a little more than halfway through his senior year. (The account that follows is based on police reports, interview transcripts, court proceedings and comments from trial observers.) The night of Feb. 16 began for Frimpong in the same place where he started most Friday nights, on the couch in his house at 6547 Del Playa Drive, watching a movie with housemates. His girlfriend, Yesenia Prieto, was working late, but Eric had reason to celebrate, fresh off an impressive 10-day tryout for the Wizards, so he showered and went to meet friends at a party at 6681 Del Playa Drive. It was outside that home, at about 11:30 p.m., that Frimpong met Jane Doe, a UCSB freshman. They struck up a conversation, then walked back to his house to play beer pong. They arrived just before midnight, and Eric introduced Jane to his roommates before taking her to the patio, where the two of them played beer pong for a few minutes until, according to Frimpong, Doe said she wanted to smoke, so they headed for the park next door. At the park, he says, Doe approached another male, who appeared to have followed them. When she walked back to Frimpong, she started kissing him, but he wasn't interested because she smelled of cigarettes. Doe became aggressive, he says, and stuck her hand down his pants. He pushed her away, then headed to the home of his friend, Krystal Giang, who'd been expecting him. By 4 a.m., he was in bed at Prieto's apartment.


About an hour and a half earlier, Jane Doe, accompanied by her sister and two friends, checked into Goleta Valley Cottage Hospital emergency clinic, claiming she had been raped. She was transferred to the Sexual Assault Response center downtown, where a nurse discovered a laceration to Doe's external genitalia and bruises on her body, findings consistent with sexual assault.


"Yesterday was a really good day," Doe told sheriff's detectives Daniel Kies and Michael Scherbarth when they arrived at her dorm room the next morning, according to a police transcript. The reason for cheer: The 18-year-old Doe had just regained her driver's license following a juvenile DUI conviction. At around 9 p.m. on Feb. 16, she went to a party. After stopping at a second party, Doe left the group and headed for a fraternity bash on Del Playa. "That's where I saw the guy," she told police.


From there, Doe's story is mostly consistent with Frimpong's, up to and including their game of beer pong. "He was really nice," she said. But their accounts differ sharply after that. According to Doe, the next thing she remembers is being on the beach, where the nice guy turned violent, knocking her to the ground, striking her in the face, holding her throat and raping her before fleeing. Having lost her purse, Doe walked to Del Playa, where she stopped a passerby, student Justin Hannah. Using his cell, she phoned a friend, her father and then her friends, who picked her up around 1:30 a.m. Doe, who admitted to drinking heavily throughout the evening, couldn't remember anything between stepping into their car and going to the hospital -- a period of one hour -- but her friends would fill in the blanks: At first Doe didn't want to go to the hospital because she was worried about getting in trouble for drinking. But back at the dorm, her friends kept urging, and she relented. Sitting with the detectives that morning, she described her attacker as a black male who spoke with an "island accent" and had "big lips" and short hair. His name? "Eric, I think."


Sometime around noon on Feb. 17, Kies and Scherbarth spotted Frimpong hanging out with friends at the park on Del Playa. When Kies asked if he would accompany them to the station to talk about "what happened last night," Frimpong agreed to go, despite being unsure what the detective meant. Once at the station, Kies reminded Frimpong that he had come voluntarily and asked him to describe what he'd been doing the previous night. According to the police transcript, Frimpong told Kies about watching a movie at home, then going to a party and eventually meeting Doe, whom he described as one of the "random soccer fans," and playing beer pong with her before heading to Giang's house and later to Prieto's. Kies then asked for Frimpong's consent to collect the clothes he'd worn the night before. "Yeah," Frimpong responded, "but I still don't know what's going on." Kies explained that the girl said that they'd "had sex" on the beach. "Wow," Frimpong responded. Kies then informed Frimpong that he was being detained and read him his rights. Minutes later, he explained the rape accusation. "I didn't have sex with her," Frimpong insisted. Charged with felony rape, he phoned Paul Monahan, who spread the word. Vom Steeg couldn't believe it: "I'm thinking, Frimpong? Rape? No way." (The coach later asked Frimpong directly. "I said, 'Eric, is there any chance you had sex but you thought maybe it was consensual?' He said, 'Tim, I never pulled my pants down.' I said, 'If you did this, DNA will prove it.' He said, 'Coach, I'm not stupid.' ")


When the test results came back in March, Frimpong's DNA hadn't been found on Jane Doe's clothing or body, but Doe's DNA had been found on Frimpong: in two nucleated epithelial cells, found on his scrotum and penis, and in an unspecified trace under his fingernail. (Epithelial cells are found inside the body and in body fluids like mucus, saliva and sweat. These tested negative as vaginal cells, but such tests can be inconclusive. When the case went to trial that November, the defense argued that the findings were consistent with Frimpong's claim that Doe had grabbed his genitals.) Also, semen found on Doe's underwear didn't match Frimpong's -- but it was a match for that of Benjamin Randall, Doe's sexual partner throughout her freshman year.


Despite having DNA evidence matched to him, Randall was never a suspect. Neither was the man who retrieved Doe's purse, which she said she'd lost either on the beach or at Frimpong's home. It was delivered to the sheriff's department the next day, minus $30, by someone described in the police report as a "can recycler." But because of a "language barrier," he wasn't questioned. Frimpong was the only suspect, even though there was no apparent sign of sexual activity -- no blood, semen, vaginal secretions -- or any scratches or other telltale marks of rape on his body or clothes. The absence of abrasions was odd. Doe told authorities she was wearing a "thicker ring" on her right ring finger and that she hit her attacker so hard, "all my knuckles were screwed up." There was also very little sand found on his clothes.


Throughout the investigation and during the trial, Doe admitted to gaps in her memory. In her interview with detectives, she claimed she had consumed "a couple shots of vodka" before leaving her dorm. In an interview that April with assistant district attorney Mary Barron, the lead prosecutor, Doe said she'd consumed more throughout the evening. "I know I had beer," she said. "And I know I had rum." She also acknowledged that her memory after beer pong was hazy. "That's when it starts to, like, cut out," she told Barron. According to the transcript, Doe had little memory of going to the beach, and her recollection of the rape itself was scattered. Asked whether she recalled going outside to smoke, Doe said she "probably" smoked but didn't remember when. "I don't even know, since there's that chunk missing."

So what happened on the beach? Doe said Frimpong may have tried to kiss her, but when pressed by Barron she admitted, "I have no clue. I'm just assuming…" She also said, "I remember him biting me on my face," even though she had told the emergency room doctor she thought she'd been hit, and when questioned by detectives, she said she didn't know about being bitten. Doe continued, "I saw him, like, feel around -- take off his belt -- or something on his pants -- I don't know." She said she remembered being penetrated, and "it felt like a penis." Barron asked if the attacker was the same person she'd played beer pong with. Doe said that while she couldn't recall going to the beach, she remembered the attacker's accent, his eyes ("They were white") and his lips ("They're big"). She was also fairly confident that the rape lasted "15 minutes at the most… but then, since there's that huge chunk of time that I don't remember, it could be anything."


Many of Frimpong's supporters believe that race is at the heart of the case. Santa Barbara County has nearly 425,000 residents, but only 2% are black. "I love this town," says Foley, a resident for 30 years, "but there's no question there's racism here." Thanks to Frimpong's celebrity status, he wasn't flying under the radar. "I'm 100% convinced that they were going to nail this guy before he walked into the station," Foley says. (At the trial, Burns testified that in a Feb. 22 phone call from Kies, the detective asked her to expedite her usual process, reminding her that this was a "high-profile case.")


The jury began deliberating on Friday, Dec. 14; the next Monday, just after 3:30 p.m., came the guilty verdict. On Jan. 31, 2008, with Frimpong in jail awaiting sentencing, the defense filed a motion for a new trial, citing several factors, including a development with the jury: In a written declaration to the court, juror Ann Diebold stated, "I regret the decision I made in finding Mr. Frimpong guilty." Among her many points was the court's refusal to provide the jury with evidence they had requested for review, including Doe's testimony and Frimpong's interview with Kies -- the latter because some jurors stated that they wanted "the opportunity to hear Mr. Frimpong's side of the story." (They were read only Doe's direct testimony, without cross-examination, because Judge Hill said "it would take some time to gather the additional information," Diebold wrote.) Diebold also claimed that the jurors rushed through deliberations so they could conclude the case by the Christmas holiday. "I felt pressure from the judge and other jurors to reach a verdict by Dec. 18," she wrote.

Sanger's motion was a last-second heave, but it allowed him to put his own forensic dentist on the stand. Defense expert Charles Bowers fell ill during the trial and was unable to testify, but at the hearing on Feb. 28, he delivered his opinion: Frimpong's teeth could not have made the bite, but Randall's (the victim's boyfriend) teeth could have. As Bowers spoke, there was a buzz in the gallery. But Judge Hill was unmoved. He began the hearing by saying that in his 27-year career, "I've not seen a rape case with so much incriminating, credible and powerful evidence," and ended it by dismissing the motion. Three days later, he sentenced Frimpong to six years.


"It's a terrible thing that happened to me," Frimpong says. "Being in here, I keep asking myself why God put me in that situation. And then it struck me: Maybe I can reach more people, help more people, if they hear my story." His supporters say it's working. "All you have to do is look at Frimmer's camp -- he hasn't lost anyone," Vom Steeg says. "In fact, since the trial, he's actually gaining supporters." In Ghana, Frimpong's plight is well-documented by the media. In Santa Barbara, people continue to proclaim his innocence, even when it's not easy to do so. After writing several opinion pieces in the local papers, Kim Seefeld was inexplicably subpoenaed to appear at the hearings on the motion for a new trial. (She was never called to testify.) "I got harassed by the DA, subpoenaed and threatened, all because I stuck my neck out for someone I believe is innocent," says Seefeld, who plans to continue her writing. "That's what happens to a citizen who dares to question our justice system in Santa Barbara."


And then there are the letters from all over the world, many containing donations. "These are people who don't even know Eric, have never spoken directly to him," Loni Monahan says with awe. "Eric was born to be a pro soccer player, but he's realized he has more impact in the direction he's going. There's a groundswell going on." The key addition to Team Frimpong is Ronald Turner, a Sacramento-based, court-appointed appellate attorney who has filed the opening brief in an appeal with the Second Appellate ­District of California. The process gives Frimpong hope.

Full article here. Originally peeped here.

Uganda Bravebirds

In a land far away where the sun doesn't spare a soul
And a twisted tradition has a girl in a strangle-hold
Lies a desert with the footprints...of little girls with a secret
Of a pain, that you and I could never know



Uganda's President has banned the practice of Female Genital Mutilation (FGM), or female circumcision. This practice is done on young girls with a crude, often unclean knife or blade with no numbing or anesthetic, often removes the clitoral hood, and/or vaginal lips, and often is stitched back up into a small opening. This cultural practice transports them into womanhood and makes them marriageable, from what I understand. I have read often that the subsequent pain is supposed to ensure the woman's faithfulness, as she will not seek out sex for pleasure thus ensuring the husband's paternity and control/domination over his wife. Complications include reduced-to-no sexual pleasure, infections, pain and possible life-threatening complications in childbirth, maternal and infant mortality, and increased susceptibility to diseases such as HIV.

Little feet running fast as they can like a bird in flight
Through the sand with the fire in the sky and the indigo nights
She ran away from a life spent...being witness to other unwilling participants
Of a pain, that you and I could never know

The song in this post is attributed to Waris Dirie (but also others like her, I'm sure), who underwent FGM at the age of five years, and fled from an arranged marriage at the age of thirteen years to London. She has written an internationally bestselling book about her life and worked on a film of the same subject. She became a supermodel and is still an activist against FGM.



As she speaks you can tell that the words are not easy to say
Cause they have the power to transport her to that impossible day
But she hasn't any regrets, cause she won't become a woman with a secret
Of a pain that you and I could never know

Several other African countries have officially banned FGM, but in some countries apparently, the practice is still rampant. This seems really difficult to police effectively, but I truly believe just recognizing the dangers and human rights violations of this practice and stating sanctions against it is a hugely important step for women. Awareness is key so I think this is a giant leap forward every time a country bans it. I am always respectful and mindful of other cultures but I do think a line has to be drawn when it comes to blatantly harming, disabling, and often incapacitating another human being for the sake of marriageablility and womanhood. If there are those more knowledgeable on this subject, I invite your thoughts as well as those of all my readers.

You're a bravebird...of the rarest kind
You may be one of the walking wounded...but still you fly
You're a bravebird...you put yourself on the line
When you shared your secret with the world...you saved another mother's child

Peeped here through here.

Bravebird - Amel Larrieux

Child Murder

Last weekend I saw this episode (forgot what channel) of a documentary-style series that CBS does called 48 Hours. Featured on this episode was Eric Smith, who at the age of 13 murdered Derrick Robie who was 4 years old. The episode traced back the story and focused on the parole hearings of Eric, now an adult. He has been denied parole 4 times, so he has been in prison since he was 14 (he is now 29) for a crime committed at age 13.


Eric Smith, age 13-14, on trial for murder


Derrick Robie, murdered at age 4.



Eric Smith as an adult and prisoner. He is 29 now.

Here are some facts about the case, as excerpted from the 48 Hours episode, in italics. I have bolded lines that stuck out to me and/or that I will address toward the end.

During the summer of '93, Smith attended a recreation program held a block from the Robie home. Derrick also attended the program. On Aug. 2, Derrick was ready to head out to the program, but his mother wasn't ready to take him. "Normally, I would walk him to the end of the driveway, but Dalton that morning was very fussy," recalls Doreen Robie. "Derrick says, 'It’s OK, mom. I’ll go by myself.' … He gave me a kiss and I said, 'I love you,' and he says, 'I love you, Mom,' and he went hopping off the sidewalk." He had only a block to go, and no streets to cross. The park was on a dead-end street. "It was the first time I've ever let him go anywhere alone," says Doreen Robie.

On Aug. 2, 1993, Derrick's body was found in a small patch of woods, halfway between the park where he was headed, and his home. Evidence showed that Derrick was lured from the sidewalk and strangled. "He discovered and dug up one very large rock and one smaller rock. And he battered Derrick with those rocks," recalls lead investigator Charles Wood. "He went into Derrick's lunch bag and he smashed a banana and took Derrick's Kool Aid, and he actually poured that Kool-Aid into the – that had been made by the large rocks. And he sodomized Derrick with a small stick that he had found."

"At one point, he turned to me and he said he did it. I lost control," said Smith's mother, Tammy. "I asked him why, and why he did it. And he was just saying, 'I don't know. I don't know.' And he cried." The jury heard that as a toddler, Smith threw temper tantrums and banged his head on the floor. He had speech problems, he was held back at school, and he was relentlessly bullied. When he asked for help with his anger, his adoptive father did not seem equipped to give it to him. "He was really upset. He was crunching his fists and shaking and told me that 'Dad, I need help,'" said Ted Smith. "I said 'Hold it. When I got angry when I was your age, I just grabbed a bag in our barn and started beating on it until I was too tired to do anything else.' "Then, Ted Smith said: "I heard a door shut, and I turned around and he was gone. And as I got to the window, he was coming back in the door and he was calm. And I looked down and I noticed his knuckles and his hands were kind of skinned up and bloody. I asked him what happened, and he said, 'I hit the tree a couple of times.' Seemed to be OK."

When coming up for a parole hearing:

Smith has made the case that he is uniquely qualified to counsel bullied children, and one day sees himself as a forensic psychologist, doing research on children who kill. "You may think I'm a threat to the well-being of society," says Smith. "And I can understand why you would feel that way. The fact is that I'm not. I'd be an asset to society."

Full story here. So, what is your opinion? Should minors be sentenced as adults? What is the age cut-off if minors should be charged as adults? Does it depend on the crime? Do you believe Eric has been punished enough for his crime?

I think what Eric did was horrendous and I also believe 13 years old is not a "child" mindset when it comes to this type of crime. If you read what exactly Eric did to Derrick, it truly seems as though he had some serious mental problems and needed psychiatric care. But would you think the same thing if it was an adult that committed this crime? It could be true that he has mental problems; it could also be just as true that he is simply a sociopath (there seem to be elements of both spur-of-the-moment, out-of-control rage and cold-blooded calculation). But a competent psychiatrist should be able to make that diagnosis. Since Eric has also gone through intensive counseling, it does appear that keeping him behind bars is done for the sake of Derrick and his family rather than society and legal justice that is supposed to be part of the foundation of this country, it seems that morality and emotions are taking precedence over justice and rehabilitating criminals into positive contributors to society.

The bottom line is that we are not sure how to treat children and minors in the criminal arena. It's easy to point to the law for other issues such as statutory rape and other decisions that minors cannot legally make, but when a crime occurs, ESPECIALLY murder, that line is blurred because it is difficult to keep your emotions out of cases like these. If Eric's psychiatrist/counselor does believe him fit to be among society, i think it is doing other troubled children and society as a whole a grave injustice to keep him imprisoned.

Obama Inspires Black Iraqis

I read a most interesting article on CNN a couple of weeks ago. The article highlighted the experience of black Iraqis (mostly male). This is something that I (and I imagine most Americans) never hear or read anything about. We hear about religious conflict all the time, but never consider the race problems other countries can experience. The article also reflects how much people in other countries are affected by stories in America. The fact that black Iraqis see Obama's rise to success in a foreign country and it gives them hope that their circumstances will change in their home country is amazing to me. Here are some of the highlights from the article:


BAGHDAD, Iraq (CNN) -- Their faces and darker skins make them look different. They are routinely called "slave" by the majority, whatever their profession. But Iraq's black population hopes that Barack Obama's rise to the White House will mark a turning point for minorities not just in the United States, but also in their country.


Jalal Thiyab Thijeel, general secretary of the "Movement of Free Iraqis," followed every detail of Obama's election campaign. "Inspiring," he calls it. Inspiring politically, and personally. Like Obama, Thijeel has family roots in Africa.



Thijeel's organization estimates there are approximately 2 million black Iraqis. The country's total population is more than 28 million, most of them ethnic Arabs. It's impossible to verify Thijeel's estimate, since the government does not keep statistics on race, but there is no denying there are many black Iraqis in the southern city of Basra.



Their history goes back 1,000 years to the time when Africans were brought as slaves to the south of Iraq to drain marshes and build Basra. Many Iraqis still call blacks "abed," an Arabic word that means "slave." Thijeel grimaces when he pronounces it. It's demeaning, he says, and he wants the government to forbid its use. Many white Iraqis claim the word isn't meant to offend, but Thijeel says they have no idea how hurtful it is. "I never want my son to go through this," he says.



The Movement of Free Iraqis was founded two years ago and on January 31 it will run the first slate of black candidates in Iraq's modern history. Thijeel hands me the party's documents that spell out its demands. Foremost is that the government recognize blacks as an official minority in Iraq. This is key, because power in Iraq is apportioned along ethnic, religious and even tribal lines. The party also wants an apology for slavery, although it is not asking for financial reparations. The movement also wants laws to combat racial discrimination.

Full article here.

Illustration of Why Civil Rights Are Necessary

I just read this heartbreaking post at Clay Cane. Waris Grant's partner of 5 years, Jamall King recently died. While King was in the hospital, he instructed medical staff that Grant would be the one in charge of everything if he could not make decisions. King's parents took over instead and would not allow Grant to talk to medical personnel about King's status and condition, and after King died Grant was not invited to the funeral services. Here are some quotes from the post:

According to Waris Grant, "Jamall's situation in his last couple of weeks took a turn for the worse. One of his lungs had to be drained, which decreased his lung capacity. He had to be put on a restrictive mask that made a seal with his face and forced oxygen into his lungs mechanically. This procedure was only administered once. Jamall was informed that he would have to be placed on a respirator in an induced coma. As I stood there, I was stunned and saddened by this prospect since the doctors also advised him that people do not usually get off a respirator. Jamall and I spoke about this for no more than 5 minutes at the most -- a swarm of doctors and technicians came into the room to ask his decision. He agreed to the procedure since it seemed to be his last resort. One of the professionals in the room asked, 'Who is your next of kin or who do you want to be in charge while you are unconscious?' Jamall promptly answered while pointing to me, 'I want Waris to be in charge of everything.'" Waris was not in charge of everything. He lost all of his rights.

Waris also says, "Jamall had an identical twin brother, Jermell King, who died of HIV/AIDS complications seven years ago. His family has always said his brother died of cancer. Now, his family denies to any of his friends, whom are already aware of his status, that Jamall's illness was at all related to HIV/AIDS. They tried to prevent me from bringing his close friends, loved ones and even his caseworker to see him while he was hospitalized.

Waris continues, "Up until October 17th, which is more than a month after his death, Jamall still had not been laid to rest. My proposal for his final arrangements was refused by his family. It was refused out of prejudice and bias and up until 3 days prior to his mother's supposed arrangements -- I was still in the dark about the location of the venue. I was not invited. They thought I would divulge some closely guarded family secret and were under the impression that Jamall's employer would pick up the entire mysterious tab, therefore, me and all his friends were snubbed."

Imagine being in a relationship with your loved one for years and one day he or she is gravely ill or injured. If you are heterosexual and married (this couple would have married if they could have) you would not have the same worries a couple like this would have about somebody taking away your right to care for your partner in their time of need and to take care of any subsequent arrangements. Imagine standing by helplessly as the person's parents go against their wishes for medical care. Imagine not being allowed in to see your loved one. Imagine not having any say in funeral arrangements. Imagine being banned from attending the actual funeral. Imagine sharing a home with your loved one, but because the home was in your loved one's name, imagine the parents selling your home and all its belongings (this didn't happen in this case but someone in the comments for this post has a friend who experienced this). How can you be aware of all of this and still deny someone their rights? This has nothing to do with your personal beliefs about homosexuality. It is not your business nor your place to strip away basic civil rights of another group because you do not agree with their lifestyle. It is saddening that so many people are so shockingly and willfully ignorant about this.

For the full post and more information, click here.

The Rape and Not-Rape Epidemic

Click here to read a wonderfully written essay on the culture of rape, not-rape, and pressure to keep quiet on women in our society by Latoya Peterson of Racialicious. Here are some excerpts that were striking to me:

Rape was something we could identify, an act with a strict definition and two distinct scenarios. Not rape was something else entirely.

My ex-boyfriend had a friend who had been dating the same girl for about seven years. I found out the girl was eighteen at the time of their breakup. Eighteen minus seven equals what? The girl was eleven when they began dating while the man involved was nineteen. When the relationship ended, he was twenty-seven. I expressed disgust, and my ex had told me that while everyone else in their friend circle had felt the same way, the girl’s parents were fine with it, even allowing the guy to spend the night at their home. “Besides,” my ex offered nonchalantly, “she had the body of a grown woman at age eleven.”

Not rape was being pressured into losing your virginity in a swimming pool pump room to keep your older boyfriend happy.
Not rape was waking up in the middle of the night to find a trusted family friend in bed with you - and having nightmares about something that you can’t remember during the daylight hours.
Not rape was having your mother’s boyfriends ask you for sexual favors.
Not rape was feeling the same group of boys grope you between classes, day after day after day.
Not rape was being twelve years old, having a “boyfriend” who was twenty-four and trading sex for free rides, pocket money, Reeboks, and a place to stay when your mother was tripping.

My friends and I confided in each other, swapping stories, sharing out pain, while keeping it all hidden from the adults in our lives. After all, who could we tell? This wasn’t rape - it didn’t fit the definitions. This was Not rape. We should have known better. We were the ones who would take the blame. We would be punished, and no one wanted that. So, these actions went on, aided by a cloak of silence.

Fighting him was out, as he had already proved he was stronger than I was. I considered telling some of my guy friends, but I quickly realized I had nothing to tell them. After all, I wasn’t raped, and it would really come to my word against his. As I was the neighborhood newcomer, I was at a disadvantage on that front. Telling my mom was out as well - I’d only get into trouble for opening the door for boys while she was at work.
I gritted my teeth in frustration. There was nothing I could do to him that wouldn’t come back on me worse. So I got up, took my shower, and stayed silent.

This is how the Not Rape epidemic spreads - through fear and silence, which become complicit in perpetuating the behaviors described here. Women of all backgrounds are affected by these kinds of acts, regardless of race, ethnicity, or social class. So many of us carry the scars of the past with us into our daily lives. Most of us have pushed these stories to the back of our minds, trying to have some semblance of a normal life that includes romantic and sexual relationships. However, waiting just behind the tongue is story after story of the horrors other women experience and hide deep within the self behind a protective wall of silence.

The essay is a lot longer and I encourage you to read it. I think all young women especially pre-teens and teens need to read this or have someone in their lives to inform them, REALLY inform them of how it is out there. Not scare them and not brush it off, but keep it real.

Another Racially Profiling Incident Leads to a Shooting?

A former high school classmate of mine was shot last night in his own driveway, next to his car that the police claimed was "stolen". He and his cousin were laying on the ground of the driveway per police orders, his mother came outside to protest, one cop pushed her up against a wall, Robbie tried to complain and was shot as he stood up...he had no weapons. They live in an affluent part of Houston, the suburb Bellaire. They were black; the cops white. The car was not stolen. He was unarmed. 2 other shots missed Robbie. He is expected to recover and there is an investigation going on now.

Here is the full article.

There are over 1000 comments on that story already. This one stuck out to me:
Did the idiot cop by any chance think the house was stolen too? j/k-How else do you explain shooting someone outside of their house with a car registered to that address?

Update: The bullet is lodged in his liver; he will likely have to live with it the rest of his life. Click here for an updated article.

Revenge Vs. Justice

I saw this article on Jezebel where an Iranian woman was attacked with acid by a man who was angry that she had rejected him. He stalked and threatened her outside of her job, then one day ambushed her and dumped a bucket of sulphuric acid over her head. His punishment, as decided by the court in Iran, is to have five drops of the acid dropped in each of his eyes. From the full article:

TEHRAN -- Ameneh Bahrami once enjoyed photography and mountain vistas. Her work for a medical equipment company gave her financial independence. Several men had asked for her hand in marriage, but the hazel-eyed electrical technician had refused them all. "I wanted to get married, but only to the man I really loved," she said.

Four years ago, a spurned suitor poured a bucket of sulfuric acid over her head, leaving her blind and disfigured.

Late last month, an Iranian court ordered that five drops of the same chemical be placed in each of her attacker's eyes, acceding to Bahrami's demand that he be punished according to a principle in Islamic jurisprudence that allows a victim to seek retribution for a crime. The sentence has not yet been carried out.

This is fascinating on so many levels. One argument is that this is cruel and barbaric punishment; more revenge than justice. Blinding this man will not deter other men from doing the same thing to other people. However, imprisoning him wouldn't deter other people either. I feel we also have to take the context of the culture into consideration; we cannot judge everything through an American lens. Iran has been notorious for not following up on crimes against women, especially horrific crimes like what happened to Bahrami. Some argue that it is good that they are even punishing him at all.

Honestly, a big part of me feels that he has ruined her life and livelihood and he deserves what his punishment is. The other part of me knows that some people will argue about where the line will be drawn. Of course this method couldn't be applied to everyone, I am treating this on a very individual level. If this means of revenge-punishment were possible for all offenders, things would get out of hand very quickly. Courts would have to ensure the accused party is actually guilty, none of that gray area business like here in the United States. The attacker in this story admitted his guilt, so that isn't an issue here.

Also, Americans that are horrified by this punishment but support the death penalty are hypocrites. We are the only westernized nation that still uses the death penalty. It is crushing to think of how many innocent people have been put to death in this country. The system is especially skewed against poor people, many of them black or hispanic, illiterate, you name it who have been coerced or tricked by the system. This retribution style punishment could never work on a large scale in the United States, but I do not disagree with it for this particular case. What do you think about this story?

What in the Corn-Husking Hell?

This story is a little old, but just as crazy. Every state has a "safe haven" law where parents can drop off their babies for adoption somewhere like a fire station or hospital without penalty. Nebraska was the only state without an age limit, so parents have been dropping off mother-flippin' TEENAGERS! Now that legislators are revising the law to impose the age limit, the teenage drop-offs have dramatically increased because the parents are rushing to get rid of their teens before the law passes with the new age limit! How the hell do you abandon a full-grown teenager? How do you drop them off like you would a newborn baby?! Of course, a lot of the teens end up running away...but who wouldn't run away at that age when your parents are like, nope you ain't livin' with us no more, you need a new family??!!?! This just boggles the mind. Here are some choice quotes from the article:

Legislators introduced bills calling for limits on the age of children who can be dropped off at hospitals in an effort to prevent newborns from being dumped in trash bins or other dangerous places.

Nebraska was the last state to enact such a law but didn't include an age limit. That has resulted in 34 children so far being abandoned there, some of them from other states.

Even as the session to correct the law approached, a 5-year-old boy was dropped off at an Omaha hospital on Thursday night. Earlier in the day, a woman dropped off two teenagers at another Omaha hospital, but one of them, a 17-year-old girl, fled. Authorities have not found her yet. (WTF to that whole passage?!)

Full article here.

Prop 8 Reveals Hate

My issue with banning gay marriage goes beyond my agreement/disagreement with those who voted on this. My issue is, the people should not be voting for this, period. You should not have to vote for civil rights. Underneath all the joy and wonder regarding Obama's election to President, something is still fundamentally wrong with this country when you can vote to take away somebody's civil right. What an ugly, hypocritical irony that the black population, specifically the black RELIGIOUS population who fought for their civil rights, voted to deny another group their own civil rights. A double-scoop of WTF on top when it sinks in that these people VOTED (which they had to fight for the right for) a half-BLACK man into the presidency (many civil rights leaders could only dream of this). Add a hefty sprinkle of bullshit when these religious black people point to the Bible to justify their hate.......that same Bible that was used to justify their slavery.

Marriage is a sacred union between a man and a woman, is what they say. Where are they getting this from? The Bible? What about separation of church and state? This is not a Christian nation, no matter how much they want you to believe it is. If marriage is so sacred, why not vote to ban divorce? Supporters of this ban disgust me.

Genocide and Tragedy on a Micro-level

When many people hear/read about global tragedies such as the genocide in Rwanda, they feel horrified, sad, and helpless because of the grand scale of these events. But when you hear an individual's story of suffering and the unfathomable torture he/she endured, it makes it that much harder to ignore or push aside.

Maryam, a human-rights worker, shares the following story in her blog that was told to her by a victim. I am pasting it here:

Rwanda's genocide: and Vestine's story
She has a small, neat head, her features delicately sketched, her teeth very white. Her grey suit is too large for her narrow frame but her cream shoes are polished and she moves with a certain elegance on ankles impossibly slim.

Her name is Vestine. She's 42 and she survived the Rwandan genocide.

Vestine was rounded up one night and held captive in a stadium with others. Left without food, on the fifth day, she began to eat grass, one green blade after another. It was that day, too, that a soldier marched her to the sordid bathroom and ordered her to take off all her clothes. Her hands twisting in her lap, she says,

"He told me he wanted to see if Tutsi women were made differently than Hutu women. Then...then he raped me."

The next day it was a different soldier, this one trying to force his penis into her mouth. When she protested, he clubbed her on the head. With her fingers lightly tapping her face, Vestine describes how the blood streamed into her eyes and down her nose, as she did what he required.

Vestine's story continues, relentless. After they had had their fill of her, you see, the soldiers would force her down on her hands and knees, straddle her back, and ride her around the stadium like a donkey, beating the soles of her feet with a stick urging her to go faster and faster.

When she was finally brought back to her home, Vestine found her husband and two brothers on the floor, hacked to death by machete. By day, she was raped over and over by a soldier who held her captive. By night, the dogs would come and feast on the rotting bodies of the people she loved most.

After weeks, Vestine was ordered to the local Hutu commander's house who wanted a piece of the action. Vestine fought back, perhaps her fatal mistake. Her voice faltering, she looks down at her lap and whispers,

"The commander took a knife and then he mutilated my genitals, cutting off ....cutting off everything I had left there. Then....then, he made me swallow what he had taken from me."

Vestine survived the genocide, rescued by a Hutu neighbor who hid her. Two of her three children also survived, the third was killed by a grenade when he tried to flee into the mountains.

It was only seven years later that Vestine -- broken and sick -- found out that she had been infected by HIV/AIDs.



Vestine, and many like her, are now being helped by AVEGA, a Rwandan NGO dedicated to widows of the genocide. Their funds are small but their hearts are big.

Could you, would you find room in your heart to help, too? In a different dark life, in a different dark space, it could have been you, in Vestine's place. It could have been me in Vestine's place.

Is fifty dollars too much? Or perhaps 25 dollars if times are tough? You can make a contribution via paypal to the following address: Tammy.Cody@gmail.com. I will personally make sure that the money is used to help Vestine and others. And please do also email me at maryam@mtds.com so I can thank you and share with Vestine who you are.

Vestine will be so grateful. She didn't want to let go of my hands after we talked -- care and kindness mean so much to her after what she has been through.


Any mentions on blogs would be incredibly appreciated, too. I promise you -- with a certainty that is desperately sad -- that this will be the most meaningful money you spend all month.

My week has been filled with horror -- I can't look away. Please, please, don't you look away, too.


This story reinforces my desire to work in the human rights field. I hope if you read this and don't know about what happened in Rwanda that you will research it. I hope that even if you cannot or will not help Vestine that you will at least remember her story and keep it with you.

Indifference Is One of the Worst Forms of Cruelty

Wow. Two Roma/Gypsy girls drowned in Italy, and their bodies were covered with towels, waiting for police collection. Italian beach-goers were photographed going about their own beachy-business; indifferent to the CORPSES LAYING RIGHT THERE! There is apparantly tension between Italians and the Roma/Gypsy minorities (many who are illegal immigrants).

How does this even work though? Even if some Italians hate Gypsies, how did they know that those bodies were Gypsy girls? Or did they just not care either way and refused to let dead bodies interrupt their merry day?! Did the Italians go up and look under the towel and said Gypsies! Bah! And then go back to sun-bathing? Did they sun-bathe and someone informed them that there were dead Gypsies? My mind is boggled. What hurts more than random sunbathers/onlookers is the fact that the bodies weren't at least cordoned off in some fashion---this part is where thoughts of racism/discrimination really seep in.

Here is an interesting excerpt from the events:

In a statement published on its Web site, the Italian civil liberties group EveryOne said Saturday's drowning had occurred in an atmosphere of "racism and horror" and cast doubt on the reported version of events, suggesting that it appeared unusual for the four girls to wade into the sea, apparently casting modesty aside and despite being unable to swim.
"The most shocking aspect of all this is the attitude of the people on the beach," the statement said. "No one appears the slightest upset at the sight and presence of the children's dead bodies on the beach: they carry on swimming, sunbathing, sipping soft drinks and chatting."

Click here for the full article from CNN.