How National Geographic Has Ruined My Life

I was watching a show on National Geographic named Animal Oddities. Here, among other featured nightmarish beasts, are a couple of the critters that have ruined my life:

The Australian Giant Beach Worm.

Just let this image marinate in your soul for a moment.

These worms only stick their heads out of the sand for food (dead fish, algae, etc.) but it can nip at your feet with it's pincers (no teeth) by mistake. I swear fo' Gawd (ghetto) if I am chillaxin (also ghetto) on a beach, accelerating skin cancer's deadly effects (yes fellow black people, we do get sunburned and have a much higher rate of mortality from skin cancer) and one of these God-forsaken muhfuggers bites me through the sand......I am really not sure what I would do. Probably just sit there and cry and reflect on life.

The Platypus.

I just know when this creature was not well researched or studied, somebody came upon one and asked some form of 'What the blue hell is this?' and somebody else said, 'I say, old chap, it's a platypus!' Then I bet the first person gave the second person the stankest side-eye in the land. Seriously, what on Buddha's green earth came together in a chemical reaction to produce something that is a bird, mammal, and reptile all at once?! AND it's venomous on top of that! This is the mother-flipper that is responsible for dinosaurs being extinct; I KNOW IT! That being said, the platypus is frickin awesome. I want a stuffed platypus---a toy stuffed platypus, not a dead one that has been subsequently stuffed.....that's horrible.